Today’s tip is on the importance of clear paragraphing.

The following example is by a typical Hong Kong DSE student who is targeting a 6.5 and has at the moment only a 5.0 approximately skill level.

❓ Question:

Many parents feel that competition should be encouraged among children. Others believe that other skills or qualities are more advantageous.

Discuss both these views and provide your own opinion.

📌 Comments:
Parsing issues, ie, patient (adj.) or patience (n.)
Syntax and grammar issues.
Absence of linkers.
The essay is 1 giant block with no clear paragraphing.
The grammar has been corrected and linkers provided.

A better flow and progression of ideas, using only the same ideas in the essay, would have been:

💢 💢 Introduction 💢 💢
Paraphrase the topic; give a clear thesis statement.
️🎉 Body 1:
The benefits and drawbacks of competition.

️🎉Body 2:
Cooperation as a superior alternative.

Conclusion:
Reiterate why competition is not desired and why cooperation is a superior alternative.

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