【 James’ Tips🔑】

【 James’ Tips🔑】
Today’s tip is on the importance of clear paragraphing.

The following example is by a typical Hong Kong DSE student who is targeting a 6.5 and has at the moment only a 5.0 approximately skill level.

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➡Topic Question:

Many parents feel that competition should be encouraged among children. Others believe that other skills or qualities are more advantageous.
Discuss both these views and provide your own opinion.

***********************
📝📝<<Student sample (as shown)>>

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✅❎James’ comment on the student’s work:
Parsing issues, ie, patient (adj.) or patience (n.)
Syntax and grammar issues.
Absence of linkers.
The essay is 1 giant block with no clear paragraphing.
The grammar has been corrected and linkers provided.

A better flow and progression of ideas, using only the same ideas in the essay, would have been:

Introduction: Paraphrase the topic; give a clear thesis statement.
Body 1: The benefits and drawbacks of competition.
Body 2: Cooperation as a superior alternative.
Conclusion: Reiterate why competition is not desired and why cooperation is a superior alternative.

***************************
Would you like to try?💯
Submit your task today for assessment. Must be submitted before the end of the day’s business hours.
Assessment will be emailed back to you.
📧 info@hkeel.hk

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⬇⬇Click to read 【James’ Tips】 last week⬇⬇:
http://bit.ly/JamesTips_0604

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【 James’ Tips🔑】

【 James’ Tips🔑】
Today’s tip is on the importance of a strong conclusion.

The following is a typical example of a student whose IELTS target is 7.0 but unfortunately is still performing at 6.0 or less 👀.
***********************
➡Topic Question:

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared free.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
***********************
📝📝Candidate conclusion:

“In conclusion, the admission to access essential information should be open to the whole community, however, vital and dangerous one should be narrowly provided.”
***********************
✅❎James’ comment on the student’s work:
Unnatural lexical item choice, “admission; narrowly provided”. “Community”?
Improper punctuation.
No demonstration of a range of complex sentence structures.
***********************
📝📝The right way, using the same ideas:

“In conclusion, based on humanitarian grounds in order to save lives, vital medical technologies should be shared freely for the benefit of the whole world notwithstanding that any technologies that have a military application which may pose a lethal threat should be safeguarded given their potential for misuse.”
***********************
If you merely do what everybody can do, you will get the mark that everybody can get.
If you want a higher mark that most people do not get, you have to do something better.
***************************
Would you like to try?💯
Submit your task today for assessment. Must be submitted before the end of the day’s business hours.
Assessment will be emailed back to you.
📧 info@hkeel.hk

—————————–
⬇⬇Click to read 【James’ Tips】 last week⬇⬇:
http://bit.ly/JamesTips_0528

—————————–
🆓🆓想免費試堂?立即填妥表格📝:
http://bit.ly/elite_free_trial

——————————–
#English #Course #Tutor #Summer #Discount #IELTS #Offer #DSE #PrivateClass #英文 #補習班 #雅思 #英語導師

 

 

James’ Tips

Today’s tip is on the importance of clear paragraphing.

The following example is by a typical Hong Kong DSE student who is targeting a 6.5 and has at the moment only a 5.0 approximately skill level.

❓ Question:

Many parents feel that competition should be encouraged among children. Others believe that other skills or qualities are more advantageous.

Discuss both these views and provide your own opinion.

📌 Comments:
Parsing issues, ie, patient (adj.) or patience (n.)
Syntax and grammar issues.
Absence of linkers.
The essay is 1 giant block with no clear paragraphing.
The grammar has been corrected and linkers provided.

A better flow and progression of ideas, using only the same ideas in the essay, would have been:

💢 💢 Introduction 💢 💢
Paraphrase the topic; give a clear thesis statement.
️🎉 Body 1:
The benefits and drawbacks of competition.

️🎉Body 2:
Cooperation as a superior alternative.

Conclusion:
Reiterate why competition is not desired and why cooperation is a superior alternative.

Click to read an assay from student & James’ comment :
https://goo.gl/6uDjQU
:
想免費試堂 👉 https://goo.gl/C1JkDy
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