Today’s tip is on the importance of clear paragraphing.
The following example is by a typical Hong Kong DSE student who is targeting a 6.5 and has at the moment only a 5.0 approximately skill level.
Many parents feel that competition should be encouraged among children. Others believe that other skills or qualities are more advantageous.
Discuss both these views and provide your own opinion.
Parsing issues, ie, patient (adj.) or patience (n.)
Syntax and grammar issues.
Absence of linkers.
The essay is 1 giant block with no clear paragraphing.
The grammar has been corrected and linkers provided.
A better flow and progression of ideas, using only the same ideas in the essay, would have been:
💢 💢 Introduction 💢 💢
Paraphrase the topic; give a clear thesis statement.
️🎉 Body 1:
The benefits and drawbacks of competition.
Cooperation as a superior alternative.
Reiterate why competition is not desired and why cooperation is a superior alternative.